If you've been following this blog for the past couple of weeks, you know that my grandfather has been very I'll, to the point of being hospitalized. I lost him yesterday; he passed while I was away at my trainer's.
My grandfather has always been more like a father to me than my actual father. He encouraged my love of horses, cattle and the cowboy way. He was as good a horseman as any top-name trainer or clinician I could name; his knowledge came from experience, time-tested methods and living a life that some of us only experience in books and movies. Today he would have been the first person that I called.
We had to go into his tack rooms and trailer to see what was in there before we have to clear them out. It was eerie seeing all his tack, some of which he's used since I was a kid, and know that he won't be using it again. I think the most heartbreaking was seeing his trademark chinks, the pair he always worked and competed in, hanging in the tackroom of his trailer.
Granpa was the reason I fell in love with team penning. It was my dream that we'd compete together one day, but I would have been happy just to have him there to watch me.
My trainer, who was frequently my grandfather's partner and one of his best friends, told me that the last memory he had of him was at the last penning that they both competed in. It was my first penning during my apprenticeship and I was riding one of my trainer's young horses. Granpa took me in the arena with him, along with the other competitors; he wanted me to ride alongside of him. I'm trying to hold onto the feeling of that memory, instead of the pain of his passing.
I had a stallion fall over on me yesterday, a few hours before I heard the news (there will probably be a whole other post about that tomorrow). I'm extremely sore, heartbroken and exhausted; right now I'm hurting in all the ways a person can hurt. But I'm slowly getting better, and stronger, although in both cases I wish that experience and growth didn't come at such a high cost.
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I am soooo sorry for your loss!! Words cannot even express how sorry I am! You will be in my thoughts during this difficult time! Your granpa sounded like an amazing person, from what you have been telling us these past few weeks. I am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteSorry you've lost your grandfather - he sounds like a wonderful man and you're lucky to have had him. Also sorry to hear about your incident with the stallion - hope you feel better quickly!
ReplyDeleteOh sweetheart, I am so sorry. Know that he will always be there with you, watching you ride and compete. He sounded like such a wonderful man.
ReplyDeleteThank all of you for your well wishes and condolences; they meant a lot, and certainly helped me through.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, thank you.